Third fatality confirmed -- not!!
Posted by anon on August 22, 2004 at 13:15:03:
Third Death Explained
An anonymous source today confirmed that there really was a third victim of last Sunday's flash floods, and that the victim was, in fact, a National Park Service Ranger, killed in action at Zabriskie Point.
The precise name or serial number of the deceased Ranger is not known, although other Park staff usually referred to it as "The Zabriskie Point Iron Ranger", or sometimes simply as "one of those damn fee collection machines". The Iron Ranger bravely stayed at it's post despite the danger, until the flood waters ripped the Ranger, cement foundation and all, out of the ground and moved it a good 100 yards down the wash. The iron Ranger came to rest in the wash, it's carcass partially buried under mud and rocks, and hopefully some shit from the destroyed vault toilets.
Park staff were reportedly very saddened and disheartened to hear that the storm only managed to destroy one of the iron Rangers. One real, hard working red blooded Ranger was reported to say of his iron Ranger co-workers: "I hate those damn things!" After making the statement, the live, breathing Ranger began a 12 hour, overnight shift working to ensure that no numbnuts go around the roadblocks and kill themselves on the deceptively dangerous, damaged Death Valley roads.
At press time, it is still not known if the NPS has any plans to replace the remaining, living, breathing, red blooded Rangers with cold, heartless machines that seem specifically designed to confuse tourists.